Why Therapy Can Feel Worse Before It Feels Better — And Why That’s a Good Thing
Why Therapy Can Feel Worse Before It Feels Better 🌿
You finally decided to start therapy. You’re showing up, talking about the things you’ve kept buried for years, and actually letting yourself feel some of what you’ve been carrying. And then… instead of feeling lighter, you suddenly feel heavier.
You leave a session raw, emotional, and thinking: Wait, isn’t therapy supposed to make me feel better?
If this is happening to you — you’re not broken, and therapy isn’t “not working.” In fact, this might mean the opposite: it’s working exactly as it should.
Why You Might Feel Worse at First
Therapy isn’t about quick fixes or sugar-coating. It’s about facing the parts of your life that you’ve been pushing down just to get through the day. That’s hard work — and sometimes it stirs things up before it calms them down.
Here’s why:
🌿 Old wounds get reopened. You might start talking about painful memories or patterns you’ve tried to ignore. That hurts — but it’s the first step to healing them.
🌿 You’re practicing new awareness. Therapy helps you notice things you didn’t see before — like how much resentment you carry, or how anxious your inner dialogue is. Awareness is powerful, but it can also be uncomfortable.
🌿 You’re challenging your coping strategies. Numbing out, over-functioning, or people-pleasing may have helped you survive. Letting go of those patterns can feel terrifying, even if they no longer serve you.
🌿 You’re allowing yourself to feel. So many moms survive by shoving feelings aside. In therapy, those feelings have permission to come forward — and sometimes that means tears, anger, or exhaustion you didn’t expect.
It’s kind of like finally cleaning out an overstuffed closet. It looks messier before it looks better.
Why That Messy Middle Matters
Feeling “worse” in therapy doesn’t mean you’re regressing. It means you’re touching the real stuff — the pain, the patterns, the stories — instead of just skimming the surface.
It’s in that messy middle that real change happens:
When you name what you’ve been avoiding.
When you realize your triggers and start to understand them.
When you allow yourself to grieve, or rage, or soften.
It’s uncomfortable, but it’s also progress.
How to Get Through the Hard Part
When therapy feels heavy, here are a few things to remember:
Talk about it. Tell your therapist that you’re feeling worse. A good therapist will welcome that honesty and help you navigate it.
Don’t judge the process. Healing isn’t linear. Some weeks will feel like breakthroughs; others will feel like setbacks. Both are part of the journey.
Take care of yourself outside of sessions. Simple things — rest, hydration, a walk, asking for help — can soften the edges of hard therapy work.
Trust the bigger picture. What feels heavy now is clearing space for something lighter and healthier to grow.
Therapy Isn’t About Staying Comfortable
If therapy only kept you comfortable, nothing would change. The truth is, growth often requires discomfort. Just like working out, you might feel sore before you feel stronger.
The fact that you feel something shifting — even if it’s messy or painful — means you’re doing the brave work of creating real change.
A Note From Me 🌿
I’m Alexa — a therapist, a mom of two, and someone who knows how tempting it is to want quick relief when you’re already exhausted. The truth is, therapy isn’t magic. But it is a powerful, supportive process that helps you stop just surviving and start actually feeling like yourself again.
If therapy feels heavy right now, please don’t give up. That heaviness means you’re touching the very things that need healing most. And you don’t have to do it alone.
Therapy for Moms Across California
If you’re ready to work through the messy middle and get to the other side — where you feel steadier, calmer, and more yourself — I’d love to support you.
👉 Schedule a consultation today and let’s talk about how therapy can help you keep moving forward, even when it feels tough.
